No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
