"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
