I just saw a hot homeless man
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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