yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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