He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
