I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Randomize
