u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
