Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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