Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
where are my eyebrows?
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