Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
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i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
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Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize