I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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