i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
