my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
