I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize