Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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