As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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