why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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