btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
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