Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
