I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
