This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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