and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
