haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
