So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
