I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
