Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
