On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
