In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
