I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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