Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
