i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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