I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
