You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
