Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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