I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
