I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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