I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize