Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
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The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
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It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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