you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
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Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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