I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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