kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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