i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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