Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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