the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
