Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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