I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
