dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
