i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
