I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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