i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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