He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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