I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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