her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
