you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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