hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
only if we run a train.
done.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
