They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
