I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
