you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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