just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
