New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
