does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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